Have you ever been in a situation that no matter what you do you are going to hurt someone close to you. I really hate these types of situations. All it does is cause problems. It seems like everything I say and do lately ends up hurting someone I care about. If it doesn't hurt them it hurts me and then affects them buy me hurting myself. I have a very heavy heart right now.

It feels like I can't breath and I don't want to live. If I'm not here then most of the problems will just deslove. If I just leave then everyone will go back to there old more "normal" ways of life. Maybe it would be better that way. Maybe I should just take off. Or maybe I should just become a hermit. Stay in my house. Go out for School and Work that's it. Just disassoiciate myself from everyone else.

I think I am starting to become depressed and I really don't want to fall into that cycle of events. I think I could be a very distructive depressed person. I don't want to do that to myself or anyone else yet I feel it starting. I can't help myself, I want to hide and cry and just be alone but not because I hate people or anything. I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore.

I don't know how to make this more obvious to you. I don't want to lose you but I feel like I already have and if I haven't I will becuase I can't stop hurting you. I don't mean to hurt you it just happens. I'm sorry.

I have a feeling I have said to much tonight. I think I have depressed and or worried enough of you now. I am glad I am at my parents house and none of you can get ahold of me about this. I am going to go make it go away now. Good night.
Erin