i have to say that even though my heart hurts what hurts more is lies.
 
i wish if you would just tell me the truth, thats what i can handle
the lies are what kills me. i asked you to be honest with me and you just couldn't handle that could you? if course not becuase lies are nothing to you.
 
i wrote a lot in my journal last night. i think it took up like 11 or 12 pages. my hand hurt when i was done. i tried to stop and go to bed but thoughts just kept poping into my head. maybe some day ill write in here what i write in my private journal.  i don't know if you could handle that.
 
i want to say thank you to my friends. you guys are awesome. you make me feel like i'll be fine in the long run. we'll see how that turns out. i know that i'll be ok eventually but i also know that i feel sorry for any guy that comes in contact with me within the next few years relationship wise. i know that i'll hurt them. but i'm not going to do anything to change that. i can't becuase i wouldn't know how to with out hurting myself and that's not going to happen again for a long time.
 
my parents and family are amazing. my dad is such a strong person and can build me up so high that is the only way i have confidence again.  he is the only one i believe when it comes to things about my self...because even though i'm his daughter he would never lie to me if he thought that wasn't a good person or if he thought that i needed to change things about myself.
 
ok i have to go now.
bye
erin