Stormy Weather

This last week has been one of many ups and downs, a heck of a lot of downs actually. Lets just say that my boyfriend and I have been going through very hard times. Actually to be more specific he has hurt me in ways that I didn't think was even possible. I didn't think he was capable of hurting me this way. He moved out. Moved far away for a few days. However he came back. Not back as in he is living here right now, but back as in he is in town and we are working on things. I know that a lot of people are thinking that he is just going to hurt me again. I know that I thought I knew him before and I always said he wouldn't ever hurt me and then he did, but I really believe that he has seen the devastation he has caused and would never do this again. I spent the first few days doing only the tasks that HAD to be done, like take care of my daughter. Everything else just kinda stopped. I have learned though that I have the best friends and family anyone could ever hope for. I was never left alone for any period of time. It was almost as if they were relaying the "care of Mackynzie and Erin". I know that wasn't actually planned or anything but it sure felt like it. And that is a great feeling. That no matter how hurt you are you have people there to take care of you and that still love you. However now Rich has moved back to town and we have seen him everyday spent many hours talking, crying, flirting, arguing, listening to each other, and spending time with our daughter. All of this has been completely helpful and is something that needed to happen. I don't think it needed to happen this way but at least there is healing happening. It will be a long rough road ahead and as long as both of us are willing to walk that road and help each other along the way, then I know this is going to work, that we are going to work. I can't believe that amount of love that I have for him, because if I didn't love him there is no way I would even be talking to him let alone spending time and working everything out. I know that some people may say that they don't think this will work, to those people I say, I have to do what makes me happy, and what I know is best for me, and Mackynzie, and that is being with Rich. I am willing to forgive, I don't think I will ever forget but I can forgive. I know I am strong willed and strong minded enough to make this work on my end, now its just up to him to make it work from his end.

I think that is enough news for now. Sorry if this is long and way to much info.

PS. To all my special friends that came to my rescue, you are my hero's. I love you all in very special ways. I just hope you know I am only going to be happy with Richard in my life, as my partner, as my lover, as my husband. Not that we are going to get married right away but I still see and want that future with him. I want that future for us.

Bye all,
Love you.
Erin